368. Blame a Remote Motorcycle Bomb on the US

A prominent Iranian Physics professor was assassinated in Tehran by a "remote-controlled bomb attached to a motorcycle." A Foreign Ministry spokesman said "in the initial investigation, signs of the triangle of wickedness by the Zionist regime [Israel], America [America] and their hired agents [Blackwater?] are visible in the terrorist act."

Whoa. Ease up there, Persian Tiger.

1. He was a theoretical physicist, studying particle dynamics and stuff like that. He wasn't involved in their nuclear program, therefore we didn't really have a reason to blow him up.

2. That's cute. You think we'd use a "remote-controlled bomb attached to a motorcycle." That's so quaint. Ahem. I don't know if I can make this clearer. Iranian Foreign Ministry, State Media, all y'alls:

DO YOU SEE WHAT KIND OF SHIT WE USE TO KILL PEOPLE?

Notwithstanding the Reaper and Predator drones, we have so many other ways to relieve someone of the corporeal existence and it sure as hell won't be some TNT on a Kawasaki.

Pictured: F-22 Raptor (Right) and P-47 Thunderbolt (Left). Doesn't look very stealth, what with the propeller and yellow nacelle and all...

Like how about an F-22? Your radar wouldn't even see it. Fly over a house, level the block. Dead.

We wouldn't send these guys. I think they'd stick out. I mean, he's wearing Orange.

What about a Barrett .50 Calibre sniper rifle? Thing's got a range of like 4 miles.

Wow. This post just got bohring. Get it? Ha. I'm so lonely.

And finally: Polonium.

Oh wait. That's the Russians. My bad.