352. Buy Expensive Status Symbols for Infants

Rip and/or Finger-Off. Alt. Caption: The 2010 Robespierre

There are many reasons status purchases for children who can't even talk is all kinds of inane. Here is rule number one on why you never buy anything expensive for infants who will promptly out grow the consumer product:

IT WILL CHOP THEIR FINGERS OFF.

My McLaren of choice.

Maclaren, the company that makes absurdly overpriced strollers, is recalling every single stroller made since 1999 because um, the hinge is sharp enough to cut little Apple or Moses' digits in twain.

Baby must NOT be in a backpack for both supervisory and hair product reasons.

Now I was fortunate enough to survive infancy with all my plump little fingers because my parents put me in one of those backpack things. Not the one that nervous overparenting parents of this era use in which the child is secured to their chest so they may imprint their paranoia upon them via constant supervision, but a true baby backpack where no doubt my head was constantly bumped into by low hanging tree limbs or the rear door of a camper shell atop a 1967 Chevrolet Pickup. Not to be specific or anything.